The Bears: "Habitual Choke Artists"

It's been a long time coming, and I didn't want to write this one. They left me no choice after yesterday's dismal and bleak performance. Where are the days of old, when the Bears were a force to be reckoned with? Gone. Yes, that's right, I said it. It's time to face the facts on a fluke season: they choked, badly. It's something that most Chicagoans have dealt with for twenty years, since Super Bowl 20. As the old saying goes, "Even the sun shines on a dog's ass some days," and I'm not too sure what that means in describing luck, but it seems to fit here.

I felt they had a legitimate shot to get to the big dance, but they crumbled, as usual, under the pressure of a playoff game, under the pressure of expectations to excel. This seems to be the trademark of the Bears. It was a disgusting performance on both sides of the football: the offense was stagnant and the defense was picked apart systematically. It was embarrassing and frustrating to watch.

As my wife said, "there is always next season," but I'm not getting my hopes up. It's hard enough being a Chicago fan in the land of cheese, and when your team chokes as dramatically as they did yesterday, it gets even harder to defend them. It's just a game, it means absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of things; my life was not going to be any different today if the Bears had won; I wouldn't suddenly become a millionaire overnight, the air wouldn't be any warmer, and I still have to drink water throughout the course of the day. Sports are a simple way to displace yourself for a few hours, forget your troubles and invest in your team's troubles. It's an excuse to drink more than you should, use expletives in excess, and pretend to be bigger than yourself for a couple of hours, invest in a cause. And, if I can tangent for a moment, what city is actually a better place because they have a winning sports team? In many instances, cities become violent when sports teams are successful. There are celebration riots and chaos. If your team is too successful, the fans become obnoxious, for instance the Packers, and the fans who moon the visiting team's bus on the way into the stadium. They get violent when fans of the opposing team enter the city, maiming them at bars and in the stands. Not one city is absolved of this, and Bear fans, like Raider fans, Packer Fans, Cleveland fans, and Dallas fans, are a special breed. The only difference being, we've come to accept disappointment as the common denominator.

And, as for the Bears, yes, I'll root for them again next season. I'll talk them up when they've won, and shame them when they lose and dissassociate myself until next Sunday. We'll just have to face the truth: we'll probably never see another Super Bowl Shuffle in our lifetimes.